Howell's Zat

Hackneyshire provides us with a Glous perspective on a pleasing win. There are references to spillages, dodgy chanting and some pictorial evidence to back up a fun day. Shame about the result. 

May Day Bank Holiday and those in the capital were greeted with rain, wind and temperatures better suited to March: I don’t know who has upset the weather gods but it is getting beyond a joke, especially if you like to spend your time sitting outside watching cricket. I say sitting outside, but on this occasion the first couple of hours of scheduled play were spent sheltering from the cold and wet in a local hostelry and waiting for news of a start time from Lord’s.

 The call duly came: a 3.52 start and a match reduced to 26 overs a side. Gloucestershire had won the toss and the decision to field was greeted with a good degree of scepticism by Lord Powell’s tour group of travelling fans, most of whom had seen the previous day’s home defeat to Holland - after choosing to bowl first.

 To celebrate the fact that we were actually getting some cricket there was even a brief appearance from the sun as play got underway with Denly and Malan opening the batting for the home side, who appeared to be in Harlequins RFC fancy dress for the day.

 Quins set off steadily enough, despite a couple of chances going begging, reaching 45 before debutant Graeme McCarter bowled the dangerous looking Joe Denly, who had made 25 off 24 balls. McCarter was a bit of a mystery to most the Glos fans in attendance, several of whom greeted the Derry youngster’s appearance at first bowling change with a cry of “who is he?” while others desperately tried to think of puns involving a variant of the Donna Summer classic “MacArthur Park”. The fact that he wasn’t a big name mattered little to the kids collecting autographs at the front of the boundary: McCarter was mobbed every time he went over to sign their books.

 The large number of children in the ground was partly down to Middlesex’s excellent “Club Day” initiative, which enables local cricket clubs to apply for up to 15 complimentary tickets as well as offering free entry to all kids. Clearly plenty had taken up the offer and it was great see so many under-16s enjoying the day, even if the high-pitched squeals and screams caused some distress to those in the crowd who were feeling a little delicate.

Corey fan club

 To toast McCarter’s success we opened a bottle of Bristol Beer Factory’s “Bristol Vintage 2011”, which was appreciated by Beefy not least because its appearance was accompanied by a cracking boundary on the pitch and a drop in the stands, as I somehow managed to throw a glass of the brown nectar across several rows of seats. Needless to say every half chance and drop thereafter was greeted by a chant of: “Are you Hazel in disguise?”

 Meanwhile, buying a round was causing a few problems amongst Lord Powell’s tour party, who had taken almost thirty minutes deciding who would go to the bar. Decision finally made, Ronnie made the fatal faux-pas of standing up mid-over to head off; as we didn’t see hide nor hair of him again I can only imagine that the powers that be at Lord’s provided an appropriate breach-of-etiquette punishment.

 On the pitch, left-arm spinner Ed Young entered the attack and quickly tempted Middlesex opener Dawid Malan into a shot that saw him caught in the deep by Benny Howell to make it 55/2. In keeping with Gloucestershire’s unofficial policy of making anyone who plays for the club bowl as well as bat, Howell himself then came on with his right arm medium pacers and picked up the crucial wicket of Chris Rogers who was caught behind off his second ball.

 Ed Young continued to bowl well and he picked up the wickets of Dexter and Stirling in quick succession – with the latter was greeted by a cry of “How was he out?” in the Grandstand. Caught behind was the reason given but Stirling appeared to be the victim of the first of several poor decisions on the day.  He had to go though and at 90/5 with just under ten overs left Middlesex looked in a bit of trouble. Simpson and Berg combined well to add 47 for the sixth wicket before the Middlesex ‘keeper was caught by Marshall off McCarter. When Saxelby had Berg caught behind the next over Barmy Kev could only resort to a mocking chant of “Holland, Holland” and seemed dubious when I suggested that the previous day’s defeat was Gloucestershire’s unique tribute to the election of François Hollande.

 Middlesex added another eleven runs, losing Steven “he looks a bit ill” Crook to McCarter on the penultimate ball, posting a decent total of 157 – or 50 too many for Gloucestershire as I pessimistically suggested.

 Gloucestershire’s reply began in positive style with Chris Dent hitting Murtagh – unexpectedly bowling from the Pavilion End – for two fours in the first three balls but he was then trapped lbw with the final ball of the over. The intent stayed the same though, with veteran Irishman Hamish O’Marshall and Benny Howell adding 53 for the second wicket in just five overs. Gloucester-resident Doughnut Boy, whose grasp of geography is not the best, celebrated by wearing what appeared to be a Scottish wig in honour of O’Marshall.

Its not raining

 On the boundary Hamish’s countryman Paul Stirling appeared to have wintered so well that Dasher Denning suggested he had been given his own postcode - but at least he was getting a bit of exercise trying to stem the tide of runs. No doubt Stirling was relieved when O’Marshall was given out lbw to Raynor in the seventh over, another poor decision which replays showed hit him outside the line, as well as looking too high, but his 33 off 22 balls had set the visitors up well.

 Once again Gloucestershire maintained the pressure and by the time Williamson was lbw to Crook in the 11^th over they had reached 89, well ahead of the required rate. Captain Alex Gidman joined Howell at the crease and continued in the same vein, scoring 26 off 21 balls in a stand of 33. By this time Stirling had been replaced on the boundary by Dawid Malan. At least we thought it was Dawid Malan but it seems that not even Lord’s is immune from austerity measures and his jumper had no name printed on it. Someone suggested that in fact the fielder – and the rest of the squad – were just “a team of Brooks Macdonalds”, as the name of the sponsor could be seen, while others started a chant of “all we are singing is give him a name”. But when Dasher’s Somerset heritage came to the fore and he came up with “You’re just a s**t Nick Compton,” he was lucky to survive the killer stare that Beefy gave him.

Team of Brooke MacDonalds

Superstitous Glous fans on 111

When Alex Gidman departed, after being bowled by Rayner, Gloucestershire were 122/4 with just 36 runs needed for victory and eleven overs to get them. At this stage the locals had resorted to opening umbrellas to trick the umpires into thinking it was raining, even though it was perfectly dry, but the not-so-cunning plan failed. Cockbain and Howell’s fifth wicket partnership added a further 27 in just under five overs before another dodgy-looking lbw decision saw the Scouser heading back to the Pavilion. It made little difference though, as former Surrey man Jon Batty joined Howell and the pair steered Gloucestershire to what is fast becoming a traditional one-day victory over Middlesex. 

Always look on the bright side of life

 Ed Young was deservedly given Man of the Match but Alex Gidman and John Bracewell will have been happy that the whole team bounced back after the Dutch defeat while Middlesex will be hoping they can get back on track in the Netherlands next week. And talking of tracks, Lord Powell’s Tour Group were safely escorted to Paddington and a train westward by newly appointed tour guide Diamond – although he was unable to save them from sharing the trip with unhappy Soul Crew types returning from Upton Park - leaving Dasher and myself to help Barmy Kev and Beefy to console themselves in the pub…