Sir Alex Condemns Rooney Boxing Day Incident

Coach
By James Loreton
December 27 2004

Sir Alex swiftly downed a glass of claret, poured himself another, and beamed at the waiting journalists. He had been expecting a tough match from his old chum Sam Allardici’s team, but surprisingly they had succumbed rather meekly.

So it was with a sense of warmth that went well beyond the claret when he asked "any questions?"

The first questioner asked what had Sir Alex made of the Rooney and Ben Haim incident.

"I saw it on the monitor. It was an embarrassment. The Bolton player - dearie, dearie me – the Bolton player should be embarrassed by that."

(Lots of laughter and nodding of agreement by journalists).

"That was as a good a performance as I have seen this season by the referee. He let things go".

Any more questions he asked as he put the cork back in the bottle.

A round chubby faced, black journalist put his hand up. Wouldn’t you say that Mike Riley’s performance for the Arsenal game was an even better one from your point of view?

"Right yoos, pack your bag and go, I don’t need any smart arses at this press conference, and don’t bother to come back again". The warm glow was being replaced by a dull thudding headache; it had all been going so well.

OK any questions about today’s game, that’s the only questions I will be answering".

Brooksy packed his laptop and trudged out in the cold night air, he knew he shouldn’t have asked a genuinely searching question. He should have stuck to his normal line of questioning. He didn’t know what had come over him, he had meant to say "don’t you think that Giggsy played brilliantly today?" Or, "don’t you think you coped very well without Ruud today?" The kind of thoughtful, profound and analytical reporting he was famous for. Indeed many he thought he would be the next Bob Wislon.

After all he had no time for Wenger and his foreign fancy dans. Spurs was his first love, but it was something about that smug look on Sir Alex’s face, as he praised Dermot Gallagher, that made him snap. Oh well there would be no more Saturday MOTD slots for him. Never mind there was still Sunday night’s second string with the carrot top jock.