Barmy Canterbury Tales

The Travellers Oysters Tale

The weary traveller aimed for train at Ten Thirty Three.

And was hoping for discount as had some Oyster Pre Pee

5 minutes needed and ticket office had a massive queue.

So went to machine as wanted so could catch this choo choo.

This he thought wouldn’t be very hard.

But machine swallowed his credit card.

Fortunately has was able to get this back.

But the timing now was now completely off track.

He queued up and paid his fare.

And caught the11:03 to get him there.

The Zone 6 Oyster Pre pee gave a £5 discount.

So bought he bought himself an extra bottle of wine with this amount 

The Drinkers Tale.

He needed to imbibe to ensure a merry time.

So decided to buy a bottle of red wine.

As £5 was saved, bought two not one

So the day would have more added fun.

When paid at Threshers they say with two can have another free.

So travelled to Canterbury with not 1, not 2, but three.

The drinker certainly enjoyed all this red.

But as writing these tales, ouch he’s got a very sore head.

The Kent tail

Middx were having problems getting rid of Geraint Jones.

As the bowling was down to the bare bones.

Out of desperation we turn to Ed Joyce.

Out LBW some reason to rejoice.

This game is still nowhere near evens.

And there was an easy century for Darren Stevens.

Our spinner's figures were certainly a Pepsi Max.

200 runs against him for only 2 wickets are the depressing facts.

What do you call a Middx player with a double ton?

A bowler not a batsman scoring the runs?

Hope to see us get into the tail

But this was all to no avail.

603-6 Kent doth declare.

More punishment hath been spared

Interlude. The Tale of a Slogger and a Corporate knob

During break Slogger is able to borrow a bat.

Game starts Barmy Kev takes a catch, How is that?

Slogger hits ball in corporate seats of Upper Cowdery stand.

We can’t continue game with no ball to hand.

Slogger wanders into the Harris Room to ask for our ball back

From the corporate knobs he comes under attack.

All sweaty in shorts and t-shirt, it was as if in the nude.

There was great disdain and the diners' could not digest their food.

Ten minutes later a hook against the windows whilst they were taking dessert.

The looks on their faces were as if they had been personally hurt.

 The game was full of wild shots and poor catching.

 There was a pair of broken glasses and a torn hamstring.

However, these players walked off with enormous pride

As the entertainment level was more than Kent/Middlesex could provide.

The Cooks Tale (with Middx Tail)

Some might say the tail starts at one.

And from an in-swinging ball, Compo is done.

Our batting is extremely poor

And we end up on 166-4.

Simon Cook doesn’t take a wicket and I tell you why.

In his heart of hearts he’s Middlesex till he dies?

Sting in Tale

Barmy Kev is very much aghast.

Middlesex in 3 leagues and his football team (QPR) are last.

But he is refusing to let his spirits drop.

His rugby team London Wasps are at the top

THE END