End of year awards
By Barmy Kev, Jeremy Horne & David Slater
October 2 2002
A so the season ends. Middlesex secured promotion to Division one, the Crusaders were woeful. And when seasons end the award ceremonies begin. So get the drum-rolls ready as we announce the winners of the inaugural CCM EVITRANETLA end of season awards.
The Mike Gatting award for weight gain - Mark R**mprakash’s wallet
The Angus Fraser award for baldness - David Nash
The Mark Alleyne award for the most generous declaration - Himself of course!
The Shane Howarth award for the best English accent - Sven Koenig
The Barmykev travel LTD award for the nicest ground - Cheltenham
The most irritating occurrence of the season - The church bells ringing at Southgate
The Ben Horne award for the most annoying supporter - Himself
The biggest WTF of the year - Jacques Kallis playing for Wales
The most shocking moment - Phil Tufnell’s 2 superb sixes against Essex
The most satisfying moment - Running out Mark R**mprakash at Whitgift
The chant of the year - “Who needs Runsforcash when we’ve got Owais Shah”
The worst ground - The lions den
The most annoying advert - The Times adverts on Channel 4
The player with the best looking girlfriend - David Nash
The Angus Deayton award for the most apologies - Surrey fans (it’s ok, we forgive you for the 1,235,457th time)
The David Seaman award for the worst dropped catch of the season - Chad Keegan v Northamptonshire at Lords in the NUL
The David Beckham award for the best haircut - Chad Keegan and David Nash
The best run chase - Ours against Northamptonshire in the NUL at Lords
The award for the most food eaten at a match - David Slater
The Barmykev award for the person who turned from ‘normal’ to barmy in a month - Barmyjez
The best off the field partnership - Mark R**mprakash and Ian Ward
The tightest b**tard - Ben for his 2p to Paul Weekes’ benefit fund
The nicest opposition player - Michael Cawdron
The stupidest idea - The toilets behind the Edrich stand with the sinks at the entrance and toilets at the exit
The Roy Keane award (allegedly) - Phil Tufnell for kicking Darren Robinson
The silliest name for a one-day team - Surrey Lions
The silliest nightwatchman - Chad Keegan
The Mystic Meg award for tempting fate - Barmykev
The McDonalds award for the most overworked player - Steve Nikitaras
The Dire Straights award for the most money for nothing - Steve Nikitaras
The highest tipped waiter - Steve Nikitaras
The worst scoreboard - Whitgift
The MCC award for snobbery - Themselves!
The crowd with the least sense of humour - Whitgift & Chelmsford
Dirtiest look of the year - R**mprakash at Barmykev
The Ali Brown award for strike rate - Sven Koenig
The tactical pee of the year - Lord on missing the collection for Weekes’ benefit
The Nat West media centre award for the ugliest sight - Mark R**mprakash scoring 2 double hundreds
The Mark R**mprakash award for loyalty - David Byas
The collapse of the year - Kent against Somerset in the C & G quarter final
The most enjoyable non Middlesex match - Yorkshire v Surrey in the C & G trophy (for those of you that have forgotten (or just want to remind Ben Horne) Yorkshire won by 10 wickets!)
The FBI award for the best security - Lords on the 4th day of the first India test
The most prolonged declaration - Nasser Hussain in the 1st test against Sri Lanka
The mummy’s boy award - Parthiv Patel
The Ed Morrison award for the worst umpiring - The umpires that ran Strauss out at Whitgift
The Mr. Whippy award - Ronnie Irani
The Taveners barman of the year - Steve Nikitaras
The Lord Lucan award for disappearance - Robin Weston
The Ladbrookes award for the best bet - Barmykev on Ed Joyce to top score
The best test nation - Bangladesh
Barmykev’s most disappointing moment - Lord' walking off with his beers
The Patrick Swayze award for the best impression of a ghost - Steve Nikitaras
The Man United FC award the best attendance - The Friday of the Championship match against Notts at Lords in which there was no play until about 5.30pm
The dream of the year - Lord on Bloomers playing for England
Barmyjez’s moment of the season - Watching R**mps get bowled by Chris Silverwood for a golden duck at Guilford.
Most sickening headline of the year - News of the World 29/9, “Edwina: My three hour sex romps with Major”
The David Slater award for best chips – Chelmsford