Glous ing over the facts

I can think of few better sights on a summer’s day than Lord’s, resplendent in the sun, but if the place could speak it would probably tell you that it felt the surroundings rather too grand for this clash between two early season strugglers in the County Championship. Both Gloucestershire and Middlesex have had starts to the season that they’d rather forget with the visitors a little lucky to even have a positive points total after two dubious wickets in Bristol; thankfully the ECB pitch inspector was lenient after pointing out that Gloucestershire did, in fact, play rather a lot of bad shots. This does not bode well for today.

We hear Gloucestershire have won the toss and will bat, which, given recent events, causes one or two twitches in the stands. I’m rather impressed that Glos have not lost a wicket when, in true Lord’s fashion, the first champagne cork pops next to me around ten past eleven. Good work chaps! We wait until after midday for a glass of wine by which time Glos have unsurprisingly lost their first wicket, Abdul-Kadir Ali bowled by O’Brien with a delivery that uprooted his middle stump and sent it cartwheeling behind the stumps.

Meanwhile, our attempts to find friends up from the wilds of Gloucestershire was not going well. “We’ll join you after a pint”, they said at 11am, but an hour later they are yet to emerge and judging from the innuendo laden texts, “we want to be up your end”, overexcitement at the big smoke meant one pint had turned into several.

Back on the pitch Jon Batty, Gloucestershire’s “missing link” according to coach John Bracewell, took almost half an hour to score a run but, together with England U19 batsmen Chris Dent, he negotiated some early swing. Inexplicably, Dent then played at an Evans ball far enough outside off to leave comfortably and was caught by Simpson for 19. Here we go again thought the Glos fans but, thankfully, born and bred Irishman Hamish O’Marshall had other ideas and immediately went on the attack, punishing Evans with three fours in succession. As Marshall’s flamboyancy continued, Middlesex’s appealing increased with shots off the middle of the bat regularly greeted with wild entreaties to the umpires from all of the home team.  It was all in vain however and the fifty partnership and hundred for Glos are up before lunch. This is a strange experience for ‘shire fans.

Lunchtime sees us take up the offer of perambulation around the pitch, made by the impossibly plummy Middlesex announcer. Coming from the West Country we didn’t realise people reallyspoke like that. Perambulation also allowed us to find our, by now rather well-oiled, friends and direct them to the Upper Edrich (via an offie).

O’Marshall continued where he left off after lunch but it wasn’t to last as he was caught by Robson off O’Brien. It seemed a tame dismissal after his glorious knock of 72 off 73 balls in a partnership one shy of a century but he was probably undone by a slightly quicker ball.

Captain Gidman joined the Missing Link at the crease and he had made 16 before he reverted to the type of play ‘shire fans have grown used to in 2010 and sent a terrible slog off Udal straight into O’Brien’s hands. He was closely followed by Batty, who was bowled by Evans for 49.

Murtagh’s lopsided action became a talking point, had Kevin Shine been helping him perhaps suggested our token Somerset fan? One of the West Country visitors disagreed, claiming that he was clearly worried about someone nicking his wallet – and who wouldn’t be in London?

Amid the sound so often heard in the afternoon at County Cricket – snoring – Taylor secured Gloucestershire’s first batting point of the season at 3.15pm with a boundary but he too fell to what appeared to be a pretty poor shot and was caught by a sub, who had just come on for Udal, off the bowling of O’Brien for 32. Again, wickets came in twos as Snell clipped O’Brien to Robson at square leg for a duck and Glos were suddenly 226/7. Franklin, buoyed by his weekend century, and Lewis played with intent and they steered Glos to batting point number two either side of tea before Lewis was out to a slightly dubious O’Brien lbw with the score on 250.

By now, half of our friends seem to have got lost trying to find cigarettes/the toilet/the bar (delete as applicable) and conversation is going steadily downhill for those that are still there. Given the number of empty cans of cider behind me this is probably not surprising.

O’Brien assumes complete control, taking the final two wickets of Hussain and Kirby with Franklin unbeaten on 44 and the Kiwi’s figures of 21.2 - 6 - 48 - 7 were both deserved and reflective of his dominance of the attack. Glos had made 268, more than we had dared hope for - but still possibly under par.

Of course, what ‘shire fans didn’t know was quite how much Middlesex would help our team out. Indeed, in the fourth over one of our party had an lbw shout so loud that even the umpires looked up (to say not out) but perhaps it put Newman off as he was caught by Batty off Franklin next ball. Middlesex, like Glos before them, were 7/1. For some reason this sparks some complaints about Bristolian hotels from home fans but we manage to convince them that, despite having a Marriott amongst us, we really can’t help.

On the pitch it goes from bad to worse for Middlesex as Kirby gets up a head of steam and the wicket of Shah, who is trapped lbw for 20. Not long after he gets Strauss and nightwatchman O’Brien in successive balls before Malan and Robson steer the home side to a closing total of 71/4, despite the best efforts of our appeals in the Upper Edrich. All in all, a good day’s work, well, as long as you’re a Gloucestershire fan that is.

An early glass of Champagne:

Danny Evans makes a Dent in the Gloucestershire innings.

Ian O'Brien looks frustrated...

... Before knocking Ali's middle stump out of the ground, leaving Murtagh to retrieve it.

Murtagh steams in.

Strauss steams out.

Classy drinker of the year (appologies for those left traumatised).