Brispain the starting point of our Ashes Horribilis

Rogers and Out's reward for MTWD reporting this season was an all expenses tour of Brisbane and Alice Spings on condition he reported from there.   We hear of long queues for quick beers, the mentality of Aussie support and a depressing test match for England. Enjoy!

A few years ago, Mrs RaO and myself thought it was about time we returned to Brisbane in 2013 after a gap of over 20 years, in order to see the many relatives I have there, and also to take the opportunity to see the First Test match at the Gabba. We intended to go to the Adelaide test as well, but as it turned out, we managed to take in a day of the match versus the Chairman’s XI at Alice Springs instead.

I’d previously been to the Gabba in 1978 when we thrashed Australia 5-1 after the exodus of the majority of their test players to Kerry Packer’s circus and also been to a McDonald’s Cup game there between Queensland and Victoria in 1982. In those days, you could sit on the grass, so I was expecting a somewhat different environment on my return.

Despite Kevin Pietersen’s comments, Brisbane has emerged into a pleasant city and changed greatly since our last visit. There are numerous good restaurants and a reasonable amount to see, including a very fine art gallery. The city now makes excellent use of its river, with catamarans being one of the most popular modes of transport. The downside is that Australia is now an expensive place for us to visit. The natives have a high standard of living and generally earn good money, plus the exchange rate is now just under $1.80 to the pound, whereas it was $2.90 when we’d last visited.

Day One-Broad Sholulders

After a pleasant few days’ sightseeing and visiting relations, it was time for cricket. We made our way by bus to Woolloongabba from our accommodation in New Farm, and arrived in our seats around 45 minutes before start of play. I’d bought first day tickets via the Seatwave website, having had to pay well over the odds for seats with a $40 face value. We were pleased to note that we were in the shade with a square leg view, but that pleasure was not to last for too long. The locals responded to the news of Australia winning the toss as though they had won the series. We wondered what they’d do if they actually had any real success and sadly, we were to find out over the next few days.

The Gabba had indeed changed since my last visit and had been completely re-built. It is now a 42,000 capacity concrete bowl which also houses Australian Rules football and the dog track has departed. I must confess I preferred the old Gabba, which had a lot more character.

The Brisbane paper entitled the Courier Mail had stirred up the locals by calling Stuart Broad a ‘smug Pommie cheat’ and then refused to mention him by name, just referring to him as the ‘medium paced English bowler’. This led to the no so witty chants about Broad that you undoubtedly heard on TV which persisted throughout the entire day and ironically, it appeared to spur him on to an excellent performance.

Jimmy Anderson bowled a tight first over and then it was Warner to face Broad. To the joy of our Antipodean chums, Warner pulled Broad’s first delivery to the boundary for four. That first over was quite expensive, but Broad was fired up and in his next over, Chris Rogers could only fence a lifter to gully and Austraila were 12/1.

Even though there had been only half an hour of play, the crowd in our section had become bored, and started indulging in the seemingly popular sport of beach ball tossing, of which we were to see plenty during the day, as well as the dreaded Mexican wave. At this stage I went to get some drinks at the optimistically named ‘Quick Beers’ bar. Needless to say, it was anything but, and poor Mrs RaO had to have XXXX Gold as there was no wine available in our section.

Quick Beers. One for the Oxymoron thread

Shane Watson was the next man in and although he shared a 59 run partnership with Warner, it was no surprise when he drove loosely at Broad just before lunch and was well taken at second slip by Swann.

Lunch meant more time at ‘Quick Beers’ and it did eventually live up to its name although Mrs RaO grew no fonder of XXXX.

Michael Clarke had come in just before lunch and he was to perish quickly due to his inability to deal with a short ball from Broad, which looped gently into Bell’s hands at short leg. Warner had continued to bat aggresively and was looking to register a deserved half century. Broad delivered a bouncer which was deemed a wide to the delight of the myopic crowd, but it was our turn to hoot and holler when Warner chipped the next ball to Pietersen at cover for 49, leaving Australia on 83/4.

Steve Smith and George Bailey were now at the crease, with Smith looking quite assured with the bat. You couldn’t say the same for Bailey. Anderson was too good for him, serving up an outswinger after a couple of inswingers and Cook took a regulation catch in the slips to reduce the hosts to 100/5. Haddin now joined Smith in the middle, and with Tremlett and Swann bowling, scoring became a little easier. Smith reached 31 before edging a Tremlett delivery to Cook, leaving the Aussies placed precariously on 132/6.

However, it was the next partnership between Haddin and Johnson that really turned the tide. They batted with caution, but looked to get after Swann whenever they could, and he was despatched to the boundary by both batsmen at regular intervals. Swann did not get much lateral movement at all, and even Joe Root looked more likely to take a wicket when he came on. I thought Cook persisted with Swann for too long and gave the initiative to Australia, although credit must been given to Haddin and Johnson for their excellent stand.

By this time, the crowd in our section had degenerated into creating beer snakes so that it was becoming difficult to see the game (note to self – never buy cheap seats at cricket in Australia again). We saw some empty seats in another section, so we tried to move to them, only to discover that they were for members only. We therefore continued viewing on the television in the concourse and saw Broad take his fifth wicket, bowling Johnson for a very good 64, leaving Australia on 246/7.

After a few more overs, we decided to head home and missed Anderson’s dismissal of Siddle. Australia ended the day on 273/8. My thoughts were that although England had shaded the day, the old adage of LP’s (never judge a wicket until both sides have batted on it) could well mean tough times for England to come. Overall, however, it was a good day’s cricket despite the ignorance of a large proportion of the crowd. Mrs RaO commented that she would have never come to cricket again if that had been her first experience of the game. Broad and Anderson bowled superbly, Tremlett was tidy, and Warner, Johnson and Haddin were the best for the hosts.

Day Two-England, Middlesex Like Clustering 

The consensus at breakfast with the other cricket-going residents at our B&B (all Poms bar a couple of Aussies) was that day one was good, but could have been better for England. The Australian couple were optimistic of their team’s chances and they were proved right. The Courier Mail’s sports headline was ‘Haddin Bargained On That, Eh Poms ?’ You’ll be unsurprised to note that this publication is owned by News Corporation.

One of my cousins had got us $75 dollar seats for day two which were superior in every way to those of the previous day. An excellent high shaded view directly opposite our day one seats with a decent choice of drinks (including wine) ensured a happy day for Mrs RaO. Even our fellow spectators seemed to have IQs in double figures, although a drunken chap from Townsville with a voice like Donald Duck soon challenged that assertion.

Australia started the day with the hope of pushing on past 300, but it was Stuart Broad again who curtailed their progress having Harris caught behind for 9 with the score 282/9. Their innings ended with the excellent Haddin six short of his century going for a suicidal second run and was comfortably run out by the combined efforts of Carberry and Prior. Australia all out for 295, and England must have been pleased with restricting them to under 300. A great effort from Stuart Broad with 6/81 from 24 overs.

Harris and Johnson opened the bowling from the Vulture Street and Stanley Street ends respectively, and both Cook and Carberry were able to deal with all that was thrown at them in the initial overs. Johnson was guilty of straying down leg side and Carberry in particular took advantage of this, clipping these errant deliveries away fine through the on side.

This comfortable start had the crowd on the far side out playing with various inflatables (including a crocodile) when Harris induced an edge from Cook to ‘keeper Haddin and England were 28/1. Jonathan Trott came in at number three and whilst Johnson still tended to bowl down the leg side, he did hit Trott on the glove with a short delivery. Trott looked keen to avoid facing Johnson at all costs and just before lunch came a crucial moment. The penultimate over was being bowled and I commented to Mrs RaO that Carberry and Trott would try to waste time to avoid Trott facing another Johnson over. Whilst not wishing to condone gamesmanship, both of them failed to do this and with the Australians sprinting to get another over in, the inevitable happened. First ball of the extra over, Trott, shuffling over to leg, edged an innocuous Johnson delivery to Haddin, and it was 55/2 after 17.1 overs at lunch.

On resumption of play after lunch, the crowd had obviously forgotten that Kevin Pietersen was now at the crease and he managed to avoid the Broad treatment. He played conservatively by his standards with only the occasional flamboyant effort. Harris and Siddle were naggingly accurate and Siddle put down a sharp caught and bowled chance of Pietersen to the chagrin of the home fans. However, runs were now at a premium with Carberry almost becalmed, and the locals roaring ‘play a shot, Carberry, ya mug’ amongst other similar pleasantries.

Pietersen became increasingly frustrated at finding mid off and mid on instead of the boundary, and there was an air of inevitability about his dismissal, slapping a Harris delivery to Bailey at midwicket. Worse was to come for England when Johnson moved to the Vulture Street and bowled with a menace similar to that of Lillee and Thomson in 1975, in stark contrast to his earlier spell. He worked Carberry over with a series of short deliveries and finally took his wicket with a brute that the Hampshire man could only edge to Watson in the slips. Carberry had worked hard for his 40 runs, but had failed to score a single run for around 45 minutes. The England collapse was well and truly on, and it was about to get even worse.

Off spinner Nathan Lyon had come on at the Stanley Street end and immediately got some turn and bounce. He soon foxed Ian Bell with a bouncy delivery taken by Smith at short leg and next ball, had Prior taken in the same position via bat and pad (and a review). Australia were now rampant as were the crowd (would you believe there were still beach balls being bounced around) and it needed cool heads to avoid disaster from an England perspective. It was too much for young Joe Root who played probably the worst shot of the day (and there were a few candidates) when he slashed at Johnson and Smith picked up his third catch in about as many minutes. Graeme Swann briefly entered the fray and the fired up Johnson snared him with a lifter snaffled by Bailey at short leg. 82/2 had become 91/8 in no time at all.

Chris Tremlett came in next and acquitted himself much better with the bat than his so-called superiors. However, the constant barrage of short pitched bowling took its toll. Broad took a nasty blow on the helmet, before Tremlett succumbed to a leg side catch by Lyon off Harris for 8 with England 110/9.

Broad started to hit out to try to make the score attain a modicum of respectability, before holing out for 32, with Rogers taking the catch in the deep off the bowling of the consistent Siddle. All out for 136, an ominous deficit of 159 which was made worse by the ease in which Australia made 65/0 by the close. England’s bowlers looked tired and dejected, as well they might after being let down by the batsmen. Chris Rogers dropped anchor for 15 by the close, with David Warner in full flow on an unbeaten 45.

From neutral’s point of view, it was another excellent day’s cricket. Australia’s day without question. Mitchell Johnson silenced his critics with one of the most fearsome spells of bowling I’ve ever seen and although Nathan Lyon bowled well, both Bell and Prior should be disappointed in losing their wickets so cheaply.

A final word for the Barmy Army, whose support was excellent throughout, especially in adversity. Very funny songs that were in no way offensive (Australians please note).

Postscript- Only Gloom can Save the England now

I saw a few overs of the third day in the Pig & Whistle in Queen Street Mall whilst Mrs RaO was shopping. Warner and Clarke both made fine centuries and poor Graeme Swann had a test he’ll want to forget, although he never gave up. I heard it said that if Swann doesn’t perform, nor do England and I reckon that is probably correct.

On day four, I was keeping track of progress via my mobile ‘phone and had hopes of the match going to day five, which I probably would have attended. The rain looked like it might save us, but ultimately, it accelerated our demise as Cook was out two balls after the restart then the usual procession followed.

St xxxx of Brisbane                                                        It's all gloom and doom in Brisbane

I was sad to hear about Jonathan Trott and his health problems but it makes you wonder why the meticulous management did not pick up on this before. I had to laugh at Geoffrey Boycott’s comment that the England players had an 82 page booklet on what to eat but not a single page on how to deal with 90 mph fast bowling (or words to that effect).

I really think we need to win in Adelaide, although the drop in pitch makes the draw seem the most likely. Unless something dramatic changes, I can only see one winner on the bouncy pitch at Perth and it ain’t us ! It’ll be a long way back from 0-2 with two to go.