We're Szar and We Know We Are

I arrived at Lord’s in a relaxed frame of mind I was thinking given I can’t see us qualifying, I really don’t care about the result, so long as we don’t get humiliated in front of the TV cameras. We all know what followed, whether you were there or watching on TV. So there will be little ball by ball commentary for this report.

We are 12 for 3 off of 3.1 overs, in marked contrast to our speculator start at Hove when we were dreaming of Edgbaston. During this period I was sitting alone with 3 ladies behind me who have so far not watched a ball and were loud in heavy discussion about one of their broken relationship, which seemed more doomed than our 20/20 hopes. . This was more entertaining than the cricket and I hope for her sake she does not take him back, I was thinking perhaps I could do a more interesting report based on this conversation. They eventually tried to discuss cricket and was painful hearing their concept of the point of slow bowlers.

As Stirlo was kind of letting loose, each boundary was celebrated in front of Upper Compo by acrobats in pink doing triple somersaults on a mat. I prefer the Pantherettes. I then realise as 4th wicket down the Sussex coloured dressed acrobats do the same thing for their side’s achievements and of course they were more over worked than ours.

Back to the cricket for now. Moggy was struggling to accelerate and there were noises from various sources there was something wrong with pitch. After his dismissal Franklin and Balbo were barely managing a run a ball rate. There were successive dismals in final over. Our total of is 131 clearly not enough.

I move away from my imaginary Jeremy Kyle position.  I watch the Sussex reply with Barmy Jez, ex MTWD moderator, with some of his work colleagues including a Hungarian friend Daniel (whose surname is worth a lot in scrabble) and has never seen a game of cricket. He quickly understood that Middlesex are szar (look it up in your Hungarian phrase book?) and how alcohol numbs the pain for the ardent fan. 

It was not easy to work out how szar we are, where as it took us 4 overs to achieve our first boundary the first 2 balls of Sussex innings both went for 4. As the acrobats did their somersaults our Hungarian friend suggested Jez and me in our state, would make better entertainment for these celebrations.  In between comments he was checking on his phone for score of his favourite Hungarian side playing in Europa leaguetonight. I asked if it was Steuea Budapest, which people around me found funny, despite no pun intended.

For the entertainment of fans for these occasions there is a concept called a “scatter blast” where the bored crowd are thrown Nat West 20/20 shirt into the Lower Mound and Grandstand and someone receives this a freebie. From where I sat no one was breaking sweat to catch this t shirt and I'm not convinced the recipient would change their bank account as a result of recieving this possession. To relieve the pain of watching our demise it was thought TSB should be our sponsor Totally Szar Batting or Bowling)

A few wickets Sussex were lost at end but they met our target with embarrassing ease.  The crowd at Lord's today was 18000 who witnessed this dire Middlesex performance.  Yet, I didn’t spot a depress face on my crowded way out of Lord’s, which I found even more depressing.

Positives

I am convinced from her friends advice she will dump him

I learnt some Hungarian swear words

The atmosphere was mildly better then Uxbridge while we are playing szar cricket

Negatives

We are definitely out of 20/20

18,000 there witnessing a total szar performance from us 

Romour has it Mclenaghan our best bowler today has a fractured finger.