The Full Monty VIII - Saracens (A)

By Monty Masters
July 15 2006

Monty's back again! It's November 2005 and Saints travelled to Vicarage Road to play the FezHeads in the GP....

 

SUPER SAINTS SCORCH SARRIES 3-1

Oh well, that's one way of looking at it.

Unfortunately in front of the inexperienced crowd at the 'atmospheric' Vicarage Road those beastly Saracens hordes overwhelmed our beloved Saints 28-24 to earn a solitary bonus point.

This match it seems was a far cry from some fezhead pre-match boasting as they confidently predicted a right royal pasting. Indeed those self same experts must have had their hearts in the roof of their mouth as the sensational sizzling Saints backs blasted into a 14 nil lead within 2 minutes.

The the wheels fell off the hats. David Gerrard, the Saints heaviest forward at 12 and half stone, was dispatched to the sin bin. A tad harsh really. Local referees are encouraged to make allowances for weaker packs on grounds of safety, I don't see how it's any different here. Those 20 stoners of the Saracens pack laid seige to the Saints line for 13 minutes until the thin line cracked.

 

Then it was 14-7.

Never mind Bruce was still around and he whacked a penalty between the posts despite the 4,000 crowd booing and jeering in a very poor display of unsporting behaviour. Never mind Bruce is bigger than that.

Then the demons re-emerged 'to the max'!

Penalties are killing this team. They average 403 per match. 79% of these are in kicking range. Glen Jackson is too good a kicker to do that to. Like a monotonous metronome he kicked and kicked and kicked the lightweight Saints to death.

Seven kicks later and the fezheads were looking as safe as a baby wrapped in a padded all in one, in a top quality car seat currently positioned in a Volvo parked in it's garage in a gated community.

The Saints of course could still win but they had to find the ball. And find it they did. As if to prove a point they scored the games final try. Two fingers up to the bully boy pack: "when our pack learns how to play your for it!"

And there lies the secret of Budge's next training plan.

"We're not heavy enough Budge”

Smith and Williams said to their director of rugby.

"Right said Budge, where are those cotton Kooga shirts? The ones that hold all the moisture?"

"What you thinking boss?"

"We'll revert to those for the next match and make all the players shower in their kit before kick off!"

Utter genius the Saints pack will be 40 stone heavier for the next encounter. Beware Wasps, you're about to get squished!

As usual a final comment from Air Bert:

"Never moind bouys ave anuther point!"